poems

Budding cherry blossoms I almost didn't see In my rush to catch the bus Down Roosevelt street I dreamt you drove me drunk To return a used CD it never did make sense When you tried to return me Tears running down my face Dry eyes in morning light Thank god I saw those flowers And you kept the receipt

Home by the new moon I've worked, ten hours and now I want to be in life Not to watch it. The moon in my binoculars why did it ever seem static? Clearly now, the sun is stealing more, more. Its edges flicker, in motion. I flicker too, now in bed and measuring from the base of my nail to where the ridge stops. Trying to trace back to the moment when that fingernail gave up Was it in the grocery aisle when your surgeon called? You were never static Never mistaken for it. Luck waged war on your body More, more. Back then I was in life in some sense But really, I was watching Myself. Life was so cruel and I don't know why. Still I wake and ask more, more.

When I run my hair's a pendulum When we kiss my mouth's a sky Only sometimes do I know The way I move is right I knew he'd think it's stupid The way I turn around But when I did I saw his face, His eyes glued to the ground After the breathless comes the rhythm After the rhythm comes the hymn So how much begging would it take To lose my breath again?

I woke up in my hoodie My morning eyes still full of sleep Cause my bones know that it's autumn Even if no one can see The trees don't that change much here Ever bloom and ever green California's rich forever And I'm a beggar for brown leaves Should I really be so far From everyone who makes my home I think my bones can feel the miles Of bloated states, telephone wires Think of your voice running toward me In twisted copper tubes When it lands into my bedroom What am I missing of you?

When the flowers bud Your body will pass through The hands of magic I will be there Like the static Of my skin Up against yours

I don't want to be covered In this restaurant I want to be naked And understood by you

I remember how it felt Coming home to your face All the quiet love Every tiny thing in its place How I could never recognize Your height or your clothes Even though I'd seen you stand More times than I could know It was always strange And a little cruel too How I could never seem To see the all of you

Even up on the mountain So much sea was in the air that We were practically swimming Through the ancient streets Despite the blazing sun My hair hadn't dried in days And salt just kept pouring Out of my skin I sat down at the table grimy as hell Nervously evaluating my reflection in the dessert spoon Then you said "You look like my daughter, Nora" Down with the spoon, the worry: I looked like a mother's daughter And there is no greater beauty In the whole world

Every time I go out I'm searching for things to show you A tree with roots in mid air Or a barren branch clutching A single juicy berry You could never touch me again But your failure to notice the tree in suspension Or ripe miracle berry Would hollow me whole

I'm grieving for the blood you've lost the blood I'll lose again When I hold my body I ask it "do you still feel scared?" And I'm picking at my skin Like a melody's below The surface or the bruises If I just reach in I'll know I feel better then much worse then it all repeats again So nestle in the side of the bed you used to rest I hate how I've adjusted How your suffering's just something Pacing in perpetuity in the center of my mind

I love how you look in the moonlight I love how you look

We were a window of understanding Slotting in like the last four digits Of my grandparents landline Into my bicycle lock in August You were the only person Who understood me in full Until one day I realized the me you understood Wasn't me at all

There is a certain knowing I possess Between brain and body, Time and bleeding. I always know Exactly when It will recommence. They still don't know How the trees listen For their call to mast, But I know how it begins: With this same knowing I possess.

Watching you billow in the sun, Swaying in the artificial wind, I am overcome with sadness. Sadness for your lost world Your concrete ceiling, And worse, that this may be all you know. But if that were true, it wouldn't be so bad. It's I who knows the woods, the cabin of a plane, And it's I who knows nothing. Still I want to jump out this window Slide down the wing And bring you with me

The jasmine sighs In the July sky At the station The clock ticks by second Sometimes timing matters that much Now wood stacks out the train Millions of tiger eyes I'm tired, counting down Until I see you again